When My Angel Flew Away

I'm not going to be cliché and say that "time heals pain", because it doesn't for everyone, and from my experience, it took a long time. Now, don't think that this is easy for me to write about; I still get an ache in my chest and my eyes always begin to well up. 1 in 4 women will experience a miscarriage in their lifetime. I was the 1 in 4 last year...

On 18th March 2017, a date that I won't forget for a long time, was the day I lost Ben and I's baby. My doctor confirmed a few days later (the following week as it was a Saturday that I miscarried). The worst thing about it was I was home alone, due to Ben having to work from early morning to early afternoon, and it was the most painful experience, emotionally and physically. I hated making the phone call to him but I had to and tore me to pieces. I don't think any person could be prepared to lose a child, let alone, an embryo that is forming a beating heart.

I remember being told by a couple of people that it was insignificant or that it never happened, due to how early it was, which capsized me. How can someone be so cruel? My doctor's confirmation is enough for me to shut out those disrespectful people. It was a time that I learnt who was really there to support me. My parents and brother were are amazing and they still are! Also a few of my close friends, plus friends that have become close with me now, went out of their way to check on me.

As soon as my heart healed, I realised something that Ben has told me a million times; I am stronger than I think. I made it through this battle and have come out as a more spirituality uplifted person that can pull themselves up from a low point and move forward from it. Several people I care about have an angel baby or, tragically, multiple angel babies. Not one of them is insignificant. I am over the stigma! No woman should be shunned about talking about this or feel like that they have to forget. Because that experience makes you the person you are today, a fighter, and someone that will have a deep love that not everyone can understand.

Therefore, this coming day will be a year our little "what if" gained their wings far too early. It won't be spent moping around in bed, but spent with peace, special words, and a moment of embrace in the very spot we let off a pink and blue balloon to commemorate our deep love. Every now and again, we need to focus on self care, to get through the difficult times. I have been put "on the shelf" for this week to focus on controlling my thoughts and to get better sleep (clustered thoughts don't make it easy).

I want to say a thank you to everyone lately that has only been a message away, I hope this can help anyone who has been down this painful road xx

"When we lose one blessing, another is often most unexpectedly given in its place."

- C.S. Lewis