It has been a while since my last blog post but fair not, it is all for good reasons. A lot has happened; business in work for both Ben and me, I've battled two rounds of tonsillitis that were two months apart from each other, as well as enjoying the fact that we have been married for now 1 year (and a month). It's crazy to look back now and see how much has changed, both in our behaviours towards each other and other people that are our family and friends.
It's been very positive! There is no denial, we have hit a few bricks in the road during this time, including our fertility struggle mainly this year with the more found facts around Ben being infertile. But it's given me a lot of food for thought - if you want something incredibly badly, keep it as the goal but the original plan you had in place doesn't have to still be the same... change it. Changing a plan you had set in your mind that would work sometimes won't work for you, despite it working for someone else, however, that gives you no reason to try something else to reach your intended goal.
To explain this in examples of fertility struggle for us, instead just trying naturally (there is no reason we have to stop that plan), we can add other plans in place to try, including IVF next year through public funding, or even using a sperm donor, even looking furthermore in permanent care and adoption (adoption rates are low in New Zealand but with permanent care, it doesn't eliminate the fact you get to raise a child until their legal age to leave home). So there are many options we can still try do. It's sad to say but we did get lucky that only one of us is infertile, especially being a male, as with a women being infertile, it's not as easy finding a surrogate or using IUI or even having an egg donor as that can only be done through a fertility clinic. There is so much to consider and we are blessed that our fertility struggles are not as bad as some couples, same sex or different sex couples.
With a year of marriage, I have personally learned to still never go to bed angry with things unresolved and that can mean staying up until 2am just to settle things. I would prefer getting problems out of the way than letting them fester to get worse. I have also learnt that when you get married, it is a tiny bit of a different playing field because your significant other that may or may not share the same last name as you but is legally your husband or wife, is in fact your team member. You essentially become one! You both still have your own identities and personalities which should never be forsaken, but you are in the same team and must stick together.
Now when I say stick together, this doesn't necessarily mean that you agree on everything (we are all human and both of you should still be able to make up your own minds in a healthy relationship), it means that you support one another and you don't let anyone separate you both to have conversations about each other; you do it all together so no one is being talked about behind the other person's back. Just like in a sport's team, you become a family and in no way at all should you show a lack of respect (if you do, that's for the team to talk about together).
Marriage is never going to be an easy journey. Whether you're a couple that has a lot of disagreements because you're both as stubborn as each other or you're a couple that says they never fight (hmm... I don't know if I can believe many people that say this, but each to their own), you're going to endure roadbumps and happy moments and tears of both joy and mourning and at the end of the day, as long as you two are still loving each other and 100% support each other, you can say you are achieving a good marriage xx
"Marriage is not a noun; it's a verb. It isn't something you get. It's something you do. It's the way you love your partner every day." - Barbara De Angelis
